Pandemic Parenting: Applying Emotional Intelligence while Parenting in the Most Uncertain Times

by EIDI's Megan Laufman

The Challenge
As parents know, parenting in the best of times is a mixed bag of emotions filled with daily juggling and challenges. Add in to the mix, a global pandemic where parents are working virtually while also needing to entertain, teach and keep their kids healthy and safe, and you have a recipe for a comedic crisis. Staying sane and surviving has become the new baseline of success. And while the bar is low, many parents still feel like they are “failing” either with work, parenting, relationships, fitness ….you name it! What rings true more now than ever is that parents can’t give that which they don’t have. Our metaphoric gas tank is empty. When we’ve spent an entire day running between zoom meetings, conference calls, answering a barrage of emails and helping our kids with activities, we are running on fumes with no energy left to give.

Rethinking Your Approach
So how can we help ourselves so that we can be the best parents possible during this challenging time? Applying emotional intelligence can be a powerful tool to manage the thoughts and feelings in and around us. The more we understand our emotional responses, the more we can manage our interactions, achieve inner peace and maintain healthier relationships.

But how? Consider the following approach:

1. Allow yourself and your children permission to own and feel the range of emotions
Much of parent and child anxiety stems from not knowing what is going to happen and is rooted in the sense of an utter lack of control. Acknowledge how difficult this time is. Talk to your kids about how they feel and get them communicating about what’s on their mind. Create a space where they feel comfortable sharing. For some families, talking every night at the dinner table about highs and lows works great and for others, doing a once a week family meeting is more realistic. Whatever works best for your family is exactly what you should do but carve out time to get talking and don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with your kids and share that you have similar thoughts and feelings.

2. Create structure for you and your family as best you can
Since much of our anxiety stems from the “not knowing”, creating structure is paramount. It allows us to find comfort in knowing what’s next.
With school now back in session, it is a clear reminder that children thrive on routine. Beyond their daily school schedule, it is helpful to create a routine where our children know what is expected of them at all times.

3. Manage internal self-talk and eliminate outside negative influences
Internal self-talk is the constant mental commentary in our mind while we deal with life’s everyday situations. It can be soothing or upsetting, depending on what we tell ourselves. To eliminate negative self-talk, focus on what is actually true in the moment, and challenge yourself to see the range of possibilities that you didn’t initially perceive. Ask yourself, what else can this mean?

At the same time, never before has eliminating negative external influences been more helpful. The news via TV and social media can be depressing and can perpetuate this feeling of doom and gloom. Headlines are intended to draw the public in with shock and awe and it isn’t healthy for our kids and us. Choose media outlets carefully and limit your daily media intake to keep your mind free from the constant noise. At the same time, continue to inform your children with information that is age appropriate, suitable to digest, and coming from those who they most trust and love…. us.

4. Get outside and move your body
Physical activity keeps our blood flowing, bodies strong and raises endorphins, reducing stress and pain. Taking your kids out for family hikes, walks or bike rides or doing online yoga or HIIT classes are all great ways to connect as a family and create positive energy.

It’s amazing to see the shift in your child, your partner and even yourself. You will find that you are more open-minded, relaxed and calm after some outdoor activity. In the process, our brain state transitions to the highest level, improving our capacity to feel empathy, think more rationally and feel better overall.

5. Reset Expectations
Was this the year you were supposed to publish that book you’ve always wanted to write? Get the promotion you’ve been working toward for so long? Was your kid primed to be the All-Star on the basketball team or to be School Class President?

This is not the year or time to hold your kids or yourself to the same standards and goals that you might have had prior to this global pandemic. While that doesn’t mean that you should throw goals away and completely lose motivation, it does mean that to further healthy mindsets, you need to be realistic about what’s possible. Re-framing expectations is critical and setting new goals that are achievable is important to continue to feel accomplished and satisfied with where you are today.

While it may seem hard to remember at times, our mantra as parents shall be….”This too shall pass.” And with these tools at our disposal, it may just help make the time pass that much easier.